Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
