oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
