I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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