she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm jealous of your bromance
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
