Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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