Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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