Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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