What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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