let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
