i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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