if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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