I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
