his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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