you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
