you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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