when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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