margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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