I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish I only lived at night.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
