i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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