He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize