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Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
