What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
