I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
