We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
