I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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