She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
