who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
