I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize