I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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