in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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