Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
cat food counts as protein by the way
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
