im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
