Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
