She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
