well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
