my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
