cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
