i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
