the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
