I wish my penis had an off switch
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
