sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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