She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
