i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
