I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
