and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
