I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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