This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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