return my video game
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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