every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We need to rekindle our bromance
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
