then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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