If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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