So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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