just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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