i may or may not be watching the land before time
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize