my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
