im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize