So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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