i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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