Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
