I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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