just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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