WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
