Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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