Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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