I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
