Got a toothbrush?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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