Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
