cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
