Kiss
Puke
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
