Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
