you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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