i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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