dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
