So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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