Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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