yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
