i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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