i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
