just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
