Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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