I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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