i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize