my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
