I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
