She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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