The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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