i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My feet surprised me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
