dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
