Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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