I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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