He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
