I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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