I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I will be naked everywhere
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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