you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
