I must be too annoying 4 u.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
