Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
