I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
