No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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