Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
