but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Congratulations! We have a period
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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