'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
