i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
