i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
