Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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