i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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