You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
