My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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