Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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