I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
