sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
